After my head trauma's

It does change your life. I always had dreams to become a nurse. Because of learning disabilities from my head injuries, that dream went down the stream.

I always wonder what my life would turn out if this accident would of never happen. See, nobody would hired me because I have seizures. I don't like myself to much living with Head Trauma's. It did change my personality, my attitude. My mind never slows down, thoughts are always racing and I don't mean to come out with some of the things I say, they just come out before I am to think to say. I ask myself, What is wrong with me that I cannot speak clearly or think the right words in my thoughts but the words come out wrong. I do get frustrated. My daughter tells me all the time that she don't like to have a conversation with me because I am a narcissistic, having personality disorders. I don't found that true about myself of who I am. I feel I have more less low self-esteem than high self-esteem so it does hurt. I am good wearing smile to hide my hurt. If anything, I like to help others and share my story of my life living with TBI. It is not easy at times, many do not understand. I push myself hard to try to do things right, hard on myself if I mess up and make mistakes. Living with TBI, I also live with Dyslexia and have trouble telling time but most of all I have trouble communication skills. I am 57 year's old and because I live with TBI, my children are not so supportive or compassion or have understanding dealing with me. We don't have a strong mother and daughter relationship as they have with their father. My husband is so much smarter than me. He is my strength. I wish I was a little smarter, that way when my daughters use big college words I can understand. It is not where I don't try to learn new things as well determine to learn new words. I look up the words and have to read the definition a few times or more to understand what I am reading. Words in a book or other places looks like to me just a bunch of words. It is a battle I fight with in my head every day. Nobody ever gave me a chance or the opportunity> I worked hard and did everything on my own even if it taken me longer to do. In my children's eyes, for they tell me all the time what they think, I have mental issues and communication problems, very true in the way they say it in their words, cuts deep in the heart. I don't expect nothing from nobody nor do I ask for nothing. Best thing I do, I don't talk much no more. I keep silent.

If I could have one wish and know it would come true, I wish I never had Head Trauma's. It happen and there is nothing I can do to change it so I have to learn to live with it.

I'm not liking the disrespect I'm picking up on from the kids. I'm not sure if they will motivate themselves to get educated about TBIs. It sounds more like they have it all figured out, but don't have a clue. Is it possible to find a counseling/educating-type environment where your whole family can not only hear your heart but can have an expert in the field educate them and give you backup? You don't have to suffer in silence! It's that kind of disrespect, and not your injuries, that has the potential to tear down the family and eventually destroy it. Head traumas or not, them kids need a lot more respect and understanding for their momma.

Dear Ninibeth, I am also tbi surivivor. I am also dyslexic my sweet child is all that i live for. My husband does not unerstand at all what Ice I am practically blind and too add to the fun factor I am bipolar. I am going through. It is is tough maybe we can be friends and push through this. If you want to call me it would be nice to hear a voice, Since Im aslo blind please call me it is so hard for me yo type. My number is 636 ■■■■■■■■. If do not have free long distance, i do. So if you wish to call me I will call you right back. Dpnt worry about me understaning you I can speak 3 languages. One Mom aka Renee

I understand why you feel the way you do regarding your TBI. I have a different attitude, I guess, since I grew up with my TBI, being I was only 2 1/2 years old when mine occurred. I do not believe that I would be where I am today had I not had my injury. I know it's tough to live with the injury, but it has also made me more compassionate toward others. It is the population I want to work with eventually. I hope that your family grows more supportive of you.