Things were going so well until recently, now I feel in a worse dilemma than before. Aww… Nothing ever goes right in my life. I went out for a walk earlier then went back to bed. I feel very defeated and stressed.
Feeling like my life is over like nothing ever to look forward to. Can’t believe this has happened to me again.
And also am thinking about the decisions I made. Lost hope
I am sorry you are feeling defeated and sigh deeply. Emotional torment was always a struggle for me, feeling depressed and on the verge of becoming more depressed. I would get into this delusional thinking and no ray of hope could intrude. When family mocked me, failure to love mocked me, and my failures mocked me I could not bring myself to get involved with anything. For me, there is something about failure and even life humiliating me I become extremely self-conscious. Because of this it caused an in grown way of life. This day, though, I am practicing a statement: “I now affirm I am free of the damage of my past.” This statement I am using as a process to disidentifying with my self-consciousness and acquire a taste for nonidentification.
Nonidentification is to break this activity of judging and dividing myself into judging and judge parts. I suggest you create a statement: “I now release” or “I now affirm” and build the statement into you like a mantra. I believe this will help you to be more receptive and your wisdom will arise within you for your situation. Take what you want and know I compassionately support you. You are worthwhile and valuable.
You express, “Feeling like it is over”. I believe you should know I appreciate your directness and authenticity. You do not put on mask, hide your doubts or your weakness. You have a way of communicating the whole of you, the good and the bad, doubt and certainties. There is something very human about your genuineness and you appear to want to be authentic. What a gift and this appears to create a deep sensitivity within you. You may feel your sensitivity not as a gift (if I am right) and yet to me you offer this sharp sense of unique otherness and I suspect you may recognize the sharp otherness of everything. You truly are special human being and the light you offer is noble.
Do you have people counting on you? I want to end it all because of brain injury but my brother and mother depend on me.
I know I should get out but I sit in this apt most weekends. I have a piddly job during the week, it keeps me busy for 45 hours during the week. I realize not everybody is in that situation.
I live in a indepent living facility and they have pretty good food, it is something to look forward too…lol
Thank you for responding and I appreciate you communicating how you feel “useless most of the time.” Your words touch the core of what I have experienced from my brain injury and your words remind me how I was looking for ways to escape my crushing negative self-consciousness. My brain injury always made me feel inadequate, defective, confused, and racked with self-doubt. The hard part for me was feeling defeated by life and seeing no way to come back to life. I just want you to know I am sorry for this torment you are experiencing and how you may feel everything is cutting you deeply.
I want you to know I cannot begin to fully understand your pain and suffering of being “told” who you are not. Yet I do believe you can tell others how life has told you who you are not and how you had to live with this. I feel you have this ability to have double vision about life on human nature. This is the noble part about you, as you appear able to be aware of yourself in your individual conciseness. This quality within you is mysteriously you and is life-enhancing. It appears in your awareness.
If possible I feel we need to develop this gift in you and I am calling it your awareness and is completely mysterious. Your awareness appears to have a high-level of consciousness and in it you offer inspiration to people. This is an important quality and everyone should try to awaken this within themselves. We need your high-level of consciousness and the human race needs this from you. So how can we develop this gift within you for humanity? How can we express your self-awareness without making you feel this distance between yourself and everyone else? You appear to know the absurdity of life and human behavior, so how can we bring this to light? The simplest way I can say it is the depth of your awareness is like a bottle washing up on the shore of consciousness and so how can we give expression to your gift?
There is a richness within you and how can we acknowledge this value? How can we develop your talent and making you an outstanding individual in some way? What can make more of yourself, because truly you embody something excellent? It appears to me your awareness could help others to develop their potential and help others attain the qualities you embody.
I also think your awareness is not geared toward self-development, as it is just teaching others how to partake in the whole of life. So I ask you to just ponder this and maybe see if we can give your awareness within you, your good, expression to the world.
Apologies for the late response, my cup overfloweth ATM, so I’ve not been in here for a couple of days.
For those of us with a TBI, what others consider to be, ‘normal life’ can become easily overwhelming. I find that often I have to stop, take stock and ask myself a few simple questions. Are things travelling to fast? Am I overloading myself? (I often do). Sometimes I have to remind myself of where I have been and how far I have come. We can lose hope easily, but when you consider the ordeal we have been through, we all could have lost hope from our injuries, but we didn’t, you didn’t. In my view life has thrown me the hugest obstacle ever, my injury, and I’m still here. I fought thru all of that. Nothing is going to be bigger than what I’ve gone thru already, so I can over come anything.
I have found that for me breaking things down helps. Breaking things down into steps. What is the obstacle, identify it. What are the steps needed to overcome it? What plans do I need to make to take those steps? Do I need external assistance to make that plan or to take those steps. We all make plans and sometimes our plans are TOO BIG, but rather than becoming overwhelmed by the big picture, look at the smaller steps in the process. Even if the smaller steps are too big, break them down into even smaller steps, more manageable steps. This often helps me not to become overwhelmed by a massive task.
I hope this makes sense.