I’ve realized after my injury friends slowly leave what do you do?
I’m not sure Pamela, I’ve been struggling with that myself. I guess accepting it and finding new friends is what I’m looking at right now, or relatives that I enjoy hanging out with?
My head injury made me realise that we are all essentially on our own because we experience life through our individual brains.
I’ve found that as we get older, our circle of friends becomes smaller, more narrowly defined. I don’t spend much time with friends who are married, or have children, because we don’t have that much in common anymore, beyond shared memories (I’m single with no kids). The takeaway for me is that life events can shape and reconfigure our relationships. My circle shrank in a rather dramatic fashion, but that gave me the opportunity, and the time, to find my “new” self and seek out what makes me happy. Sure, I do feel lonely sometimes, but so does everyone else, TBI or not. I suppose we just have to accept the new realities that we face, however difficult that may be, and let go of the past. I know that sounds unpleasant, and it can be quite painful to say goodbye, but in my experience I felt liberated once I let myself move on. I hope you can too. In fact, by posting your question here, you’ve already taken the first step. So hang in there, and when you’re feeling low, please know that we all are here with you, and you are not alone.
Hi Pamela,
I am sorry you are experiencing loneliness, it can hurt tremendously and deeply.
Someone mentioned that you are on your own, and that resonated with me. Although having people who care is wonderful, it can often be just icing on the cake. It can be empowering to know you are in charge of your own destiny and feelings, but it can also feel, well, lonely!
A few weeks ago I couldn't take my loneliness anymore and I joined a church group/bible group. I understand this isn't for everyone - heck I don't really consider myself a specific religion. But it did get me out and meeting KIND, wonderful people! Emphasis on Kind. Everyone could use more kind in their life.
If your old relationships aren't serving you, let them go. Make room for the new and wonderfully kind friends that make you laugh and feel good just as you are.
Good luck and Much Love!
My comment about all of us being alone may have sounded a bit unkind. Sorry, it wasn't meant to be so. I didn't answer the question ... what do you do ... ? Yoga is my friend, dr., physiotherapist, guru, mentor, leader. It keeps me sane and healthy.
I initially got my own pet followed by going to the shelter and giving the remaining animals some play time. I know it is not much but it was a start. Animals are typically more accepting especially when they are still in the innocent state.
I keep bizzy in yard or in the house / my cat gets a lot of my time ......
Just have to be strong / it just happens to every one Just about pets filling free time to keep busy.....
praying helps too for me.........
Keep busy honestly... Only thing you can really do. Keep being you and the right people won't leave.
well I spent most of my time at home with my family. I found that the thing that hurt me the most was the rehabilitation I was doing. I left them. then they found a way to bring me back with a guardian. the guardian is neglectful im in an in patient program that is just social crippling and, keeps me away from my family.
my father got me a website with my information http://learnfromtom.com/
note!! my site is down use this link instead until my site comes up http://www.americanbazaaronline.com/2015/04/17/indian-american-tom-nithyanand-and-his-father-become-victims-of-a-predator-court-appointed-guardian/
Let them go.
You can't force your friends to accept the new you. We TBIers have to accept ourselves, since our only other options are go crazy or commit suicide, but friends and family get to walk away if they want to, and often times, they do. It's a heck of a lot easier for them to walk away than it is for them to try to change with you.
But that doesn't help, does it? As so many other people have said on this site, a TBI shows you who your real friends and family are. (Personally, I learned that I didn't have any.) The best thing you can do is get involved in a group or activity with people who didn't know you before the TBI. These people won't know how you've changed, because they never knew you before. To them, you'll just be who you are, TBI and all, and I bet they'll even be more understanding when you explain your symptoms to them than your friends or family were. They'll be more likely to believe you.
Best of luck... and I hope that didn't sound too bitter, lol.
get a puppy someging youc qnuggle withtoes are like gingers
Howdy Folks,08/24/96 the old me died,(MVA)…,20+ years later I am still drifting…last January I moved to the country…started try to talk folks…but it still put my foot in my mouth…several times but still try …most of my family doesn’t have anything to do with me…but my 6 grandkids are the best ,a few weeks ago I was on 6400 acres all alone and it was of the best days of my life…I am never total alone…I have an Angel watching over me 24/7…writing is good for me…I normaly write and delete…and it time to wake the rooster so I best drift away…the HAG said it best “Big City turn me lose and set me FREE”
…
I close my eyes and breathe in and out.
When I am there I am alone and I know that I am still me.
It isn’t the entire answer but it is part of the answer.
I think for me being lonely got easier over time and quit happening so much. But being around people is a lot for me.
I live at home so usually I’ll seek out my mom and see what she’s doing and if she needs help.
Seconding the pets. My bunny Lola always gives me cuddles.
Usually I try to find something to do.
I used to take a nap but realized naps throw me off.
I stay in my bedroom and isolate myself and sleep. My own daughters have abandoned me and called me names because I have trouble making conversation. It hurts so I try to not get close to people no more.
Hey Caitlin,
I think you are correct, it gets easier over time. Initially it concerned me heaps, but now I think I’m just more comfortable with self. With too many people I find I get a sensory overload, there is simply too much happening. Now I can stay home with my wife and mutts, and occupy myself. In doing this I can regulate the amount of stimulation, when it all gets too much I can stop without being seen as being rude or selfish.
I used to take regular naps too, only to find it screwed me up. I now ‘try’ not to take naps, but often I have no choice. If I need and ignore the need, my symptoms gradually increase to the point that not even the meds work. It can be such a fine balancing point, some days I can get away safely without the nap other days, not so lucky. Management can be such a pain in the arse.
Hey Dparwaugh,
Trying to get others to comprehend can be an impossible battle, one which I have tried to fight, only to find myself worse off for the effort. I’m now at the point of “…well, this is me. You don’t like it? …well, nor the hell do I, but I have no choice…” others want to judge (they always will) Let them. So long as you are as comfortable as you can be with your predicament, other people’s judgement doesn’t count. Only you can manage the best way for you, not them.
Hi,I surround myself with others with a TBI.that way a phone call etc is better than being alone, my family has ostrisized me,but my friends are my family now
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