Hiya,
How do you overcome not having motivation some times?.
Hey Danielle,
Ouch, what a question to ask? Or more, Ouch, what a question to answer? When others have talked of âacceptanceâ Iâve really only looked superficially, looked at acceptance of my injury and for years I fought against âacceptanceâ. I didnât want to âacceptâ this and in a way I still donât. Now I seem to more or less concede rather than acceptâŚ
⌠Bloody hell, even just typing that out and reading it back makes my heart heavy.
Itâs not a simple case of giving up, I think itâs more a case of acknowledging my limits have changed, my abilities have changed and so has my motivation. This is not something as simple as defeatism because I still have the fight (for want of another word) in me, but the goal posts have been moved and not by me but by my injury. That is something way beyond my control. Do I want the life, the role I had? Of course I do. Am I going to ever be able to have that? Well, according to the medicoâs, not likely. My mind still has that same drive, that same focus. My body, on the other hand, doesnât have the same ability and I FIGHT against it every single bloody day and some days it saps me of all my motivational energy and I crumple in a heap. But then tomorrow comes and I start again.
That motivation ebbs and flows. In the times of ebb I take heed, think about things. Where Iâve been, what Iâve done and how far Iâve come, 'cos letâs face it in real basic terms we could all just crumple in a heap and stay there. It would be the easiest and most simple thing to do, but for me being stagnant, doing nothing drives me crazy. I make a plan, a simple plan, a plan within my new abilities and I âtryâ to use that as my motivation. "My plan was to do âXâ " So I focus on âXâ, not on my abilities, not on my injury, but the steps needed to get to âXâ. Often I donât reach my goal, but then I try to work out why I didnât reach it. Sometimes I can see what halted me from reaching âXâ and tomorrow have another go to overcome that halt. Sometimes I can say âOK, âXâ was to much of a big goal.â So rather than aiming for âXâ try for something a bit closer, like âMâ.
One thing I have learnt in this process, donât be beating yourself up for what you havenât achieved, congratulate yourself for the smaller goals along the way that you have reached. Many people in our situations havenât even reached those smaller goals. This gives me the motivation to aim that little bit higher next time. We need to acknowledge ourselves and OUR little achievements because they can seem small but be MASSIVE in themselves.
I hope this all makes sense, in some garbled sort of way, anyway.
Merl
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Not easy to answer, buy my opinion is keep it small and simple!
I overwhelm myself to often looking at the big picture, instead of taking it in small bits.
You can always throw any of your struggles out to chew on you may be surprised on all the different ideas and opinions that might help?..No guaranty, but you may be pleasantly surprised?
Have a great day, and donât sweat the small things!
Hiyaďź
Indeed taking it in small steps is what I am learning gradually. It is easier that way, I find first thing in the morning usually the worst. Once I passed that things are better.
Thank you for your advice.
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It makes complete sense.
Ahhh, now, small steps. ââŚthe morning usually the worst. Once I passed that things are betterâŚâ Nope, even smaller steps needed for me. You are still looking at the day as a whole.
I try to break the days tasks up into steps. Today I got to the 10th step, then crumpled. Then look at what that 10th step involved and pull it apart. What was it on that 10th step? was it too big, then break it down into smaller steps. Was it because steps 1-9 were too big, too exhausting. Can they be made smaller? Maybe my processes could be simplified, less complicated, less exhausting.
Now for me that exhaustion can come from a number of things, over load is one, over thinking is another, but so is the emotional content. I find that things with a high emotional content suck it out of me 10times as fast as a physical activity. All of these factors have an impact. It took me a long time to figure that out, not all activities have a similar âdrainâ on me and emotional content saps me like no other. Even small emotional steps can be huge, some even beyond massive. One step of a âbeyondâ massive and Iâm done and sometimes not just for today, but for tomorrow as well.
So for me it ainât just an AM/PM thing, itâs more what occurs in that time space too.
I hope that explains âmeâ and my management of âmeâ a bit. For me it isnât a science where A+B=C. There are many variables in A and in B to even consider C. Sure C maybe the aim, but first I have to negotiate A, then work on A to make it manageable before I go anywhere near B. I hope that makes sense.
Merl
Sometimes I come to terms with it and wonder if I can be OK as a person who as no motivation at the moment. Fortunately, sometimes yes.
Another thing you can do: if at first you donât succeed then redefine success. When you really donât have the juice to do it, then simplify. Do less. Mark it off as you did as much as you could today.
Sure that is âall you could doâ⌠but it is a heck of a lot more than nothing. Something, no matter how âsmallâ you rate it, is so so much more than nothing.
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Sorry for the late reply, it has been a stressful time. 
Thank you.
Danielle,
Oh, I just want to say thank you for using the difficulties life brings to grow. You have a deep strength within you, courage it appears, and what a tremendous support.
To pace myself Merl I will do more, do you ever think life should be better?. This is one of my daily conflicts with myself.
I understand that I need to make my life better, I go through times it is then it is a mess again.
All the best.
Do I ever think life should be better? âŚALWAYS!!!
I donât want âthisâ, I WANT the life I had previously, but the reality is, itâs gone. Now I say ârealityâ but the acceptance of that fact is a battle. And at times I still fight it, Iâm now 5yrs since my last major incident and still I think I can do more than I know I should. Then when I do my body pushes back and proves to me that I simply canât. But STILL some idiot (Me) doesnât want to accept it. It was once said to me that the definition of stupidity was doing the same thing over and over and expecting a different result. And yet, still, I donât want to accept. Stupid? isnât it?
I think that battle with self is âNormalâ, well, it is for me.
Merl
Yes Merl, I was told to want different results from the same routine is sanity. It isnât stupid we all cope the best we can. There are times I am very relaxed feeling peaceful like now. Then other times it can get too much. I still am trying to find a balance.