Today it was an awful day for me. I felt more alone today then I ever did. Everything building up inside. Our car needs inspected and the funds ran out and need my car to get to doctors. I felt it was hopeless with nobody to turn too. I am tired hearing everything is gone to be okay. No its not even I know that. I never gone to be the person I use to be. Head trauma Injury had a great impact on my life. Today was the day the thoughts once again ran through my head to be my last day. No worry I would never end my life being the fact I am a Christian and I know suicide is a sin and I sure do not want to spend eternity in Hell. I just was so down it seem I had a heavy load on my back. Trying to raise funds up to get our car inspected. No worries it is my problem and I always fight my battles alone.
Support from family that is a laugh. Hearing all the negative just dragged me down today. I even wished my head injury never happen and wonder what my life would be like if it never did happen but it did happen and I do my best to deal with it the best way I know. I have trouble communicating wanting to get out what I want to say it always comes out wrong. Forgetting, lapse of memory. I just worn out on top of it living with Lupus. Lord, you promised you would not gives us no more than we can handle well I had my share over the years. I feel frustrated and annoyed, irritated so I walked two miles today to just get some me time a place to be alone to cry my eyes out. I cried for a good 45 minutes. Nobody understands or care how I feel. I feel so paralyzed anymore to where I can't feel nothing. Tired fighting battles. I have to fight a lot of batle living with TBI. Sorry just releasing some of my frustrations. 