Hey all. I’m just going to rant and go. I just need to vent, I don’t know how to ask for help. Having severe interpersonal problems with my husband who is also my very worn out caregiver. I lean on him so heavily that he is literally falling apart. I’m driving everyone around me away, I have no friends left, I really did used to be a nice person._
You are a nice person, Ant, or you wouldn’t be coming here to vent. If you really weren’t a nice person, you’d be blaming your husband and everyone else for your problems and lashing out. But you’re here, on a controlled rant. That’s the kind of thing that nice, considerate people do.
This community is full of kind and helpful people. I’m sure they will have some suggestions for how to reach out and ask for help. They get it, they’ve been exactly where you are now.
Thank you Ant for expressing yourself. It is great meeting you on your journey and I do not have anything to offer. For me, I am not in refusal to fix the flat tire, so to speak, as the tire keeps going flat is symbolic of the problem. Truly it is hard to ignore what is wrong. Again thank you for choosing life and may this choice be a place to begin in your journey.
I believe in you and your presence is significant!!!
Just the fact that you expressed you feel that you are driving people away, means that you have tremendous fight, and for that I have to applaud you. It’s not always appreciated how hard this is, that the moment comes and goes yet people are caught in the ambush. Afterwards we stand back to survey the damage, and then wonder what actually went on, only to realise we’re the ones who ‘started’ the war. I have this constant issue too.
Are you in a position to be able to get in a caregiver to relieve your husband at least for a time? I’m sorry to ask you that as I truly do understand what that means as far as trust, pride and privacy are concerned…
Good job expressing your emotions. It is important that you accept the changes yourself. They are there, and you know how hard to accept they are. Don’t feel guilty about your changes. They exist, and you know them. He may be in denial. All you can do, is give him time.
Please ask your husband to join this group. Let the group take some of his burden. A burden shared is a burden diminished. TBI survivors and caregivers are living in a weird alternate universe together that is a challenge unlike anything else that I’ve experienced or read about.
You are a person but don’t take it personally if people are disappearing. Maybe it is because of you and maybe it isn’t. Give it time and focus on recovery. FWIW you seem like a fine person and have a great day despite whatever your mind says to have instead.
Hey Ant I’m sure your still a nice person, for me I had already moved 2-hours away from friends and family when I had my TBI so I don’t see my friends a family enough to drive them away. But all my new friends from work are history and I have noticed it seems when people see me sometimes they look down and kind of avoid me. My wife claims its my imagination. Hang in there like everything else after trauma it seems like there are up and down cycles and I’m on a down right now. Sorry for your situation with your husband, I know I drive my wife nuts and I know that cause I drive myself nuts. We joke about the group of people in my head that argue about what to say and when to say things. Seems to me this life after TBI or with TBI is just a ball of confusion with somedays more confusing then others. But we just cant give up especially when on a down cycle, cause there is always somone out there with a tougher or rougher situation. When I would would get down I use to the rehab hospital I was in to visit with therapist and see a 14yr old kid that was paralized or someone who would be in a wheel chair for the rest of there life to put things in perspective. Don’t know if that helps cause it didn’t help me LOL