Moving on

I have had my TBI for 27 years and still struggle with how to accept things and move on, I never had a life without a head injury so I wish I could of seen what my life could of been like with out a injury! but now I am trying to learn to let god take the lead and allow me to be happy and most of all love myself because I have very low self esteem

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Hey Annie,
I had an initial brain injury as a young child being involved in an MVA. That was 40+yrs ago. Now at the time no scans were available, so life went on. I was simply labelled “A shit of a kid” and I certainly lived up to the label BUT, a bit like the question of “which came first, the chicken or the egg?” I have a similar question, “was I a shit of a kid because I simply was a shit of a kid or was the injury an influence on my behaviour”.
I’ve seen too many social workers/counsellors/head shrinks etc to count on my fingers and toes. And just like neurologists each crack pot I’ve seen has had their own differing opinion, so trying to obtain a definitive answer has been like chasing my own shadow, going around and around in circles.
Even today I do still wonder "what if…?"
But a long time ago someone once said to me “If we keep looking backwards, at the past, we tend to fall over the things right in front of us, the opportunities that life presents”. I have learnt, often the hard way, that we can’t change what has been no matter how hard we try. All we can do is learn from where we have been and move on. I’m not saying that is an easy thing, not at all. But looking backwards all of the time doesn’t help either.


thanks so much its a lot easier to see when someone helps u with some positive advice bout it, especially when they live in your shoes. thanks again

I totally agree, just having someone else say “Yea, I’ve been there…” can be a hell of a relief. For many years I worked within the disability sector teaching people with disabilities how to live in their own homes independently, so I’ve had a lot of hands on experience and thought I knew all about it. Then I required surgery and my life, as I knew it, turned upside down. The reality of actually living with a disability and standing on the outside looking in is completely different.
I have some awful chronic headaches and often have people say “ohh I get headaches too” but they don’t get headaches like these. Headaches like I’m tempted to dig my eye out with a teaspoon, their intensity is simply beyond belief. Others outside this reality often have no idea how intense they can be. I’ve attempted to educate others but until you’ve been there trying to explain adequately is impossible. Having others who truly do know has been such a relief for me, like “Phew, I’m not the only one suffering this crap” the loneliness and isolation can be really soul destroying and none of us are in this position by choice. Christ, who the hell would choose this??? Not me that’s for bloody sure!!!
Just know that you are not alone in all of this, there are many members here all with their own experiences and although our situations are never exactly the same, there are clearly some parallels. Others may not be able to comprehend this reality, but we know from our own personal experiences and not just from a book.


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sorry im so late with my response i currently living inpatient at a facility in Paducah ky, called Neuro Restoritive-a placement for patients who suffered from head and spinal cord injury’s so sometimes it gets a little chaotic here lol!! we attend group settings Monday- Friday from 9 am to 3 pm to help with our memory, impulsiveness, urges, and to redirect our mind and live styles back down a road that will be not only safe but productive for us. and of course we have services like Occupational therapy, speech therapy, for those who need it they also provide physical therapy, one to one consoling, group consoling, substance abuse group, Art therapy, brain injury 101 group, Acceptance group, and daily living skills group. plus we have some fun groups as well computers, bingo, movie group, poker group(no gambling), journaling , exercise group or playing the Wii game system. but most of all even in stressful times every patient- leans on one another for support and hope for a new beginning in life.

Hey Annie,
I’m pleased to hear that you are getting the support you need within a supportive environment.



You speak of having a “very low self esteem.” Maybe so, but you also appear capable and strong. This ability to be capable and strong, paradoxically, appears beyond low self-esteem. I realize you may sink into confusion and apathy, which may make you feel discouraged, yet there is something within you that is not merely incidental to who you are. Your strength reflects an inner essence, beyond a concept or belief, and just this direct experience of your inner nature. This is to say it appears to me self-esteem no longer belongs to you and you no longer belong to it because, after all, it is beyond what you intend to create — renewing and redeeming the self in your strength. It is simply delightful experiencing you as someone beyond self-esteem, who is bringing into the world something worthwhile and valuable. It is “Moving on” as you express and into the creative flow is the movement I experience from you.

PS: Maybe we can shake our head in amusement of our human incongruities, a certain seriousness about all of this, and yet your richness is a light/nature larger than life itself.