Why your brain is going there (and this matters):
Circular negative thinking (which you’ve mentioned before)
Your brain is doing something very human:“Something important is broken, no one is fixing it, therefore it must be dangerous.”
That’s anxiety filling an information vacuum, not paranoia. Does this relate? (Gemini)
Hey Stro,
Hell yea!!!
And why do I say that?? Because I went to a similar place, but rather than going to “…therefore it must be dangerous…” I went to “…it must just be me…”. None of the medicos could find a physical cause and they made out it was all psychological. I knew something wasn’t right and was raised with the paradigm “The Doctor is ALWAYS right”. They, the medicos, labelled me every type of crazy because ‘Well, that (My symptoms) just can’t be happening…” but they were. “We think it’s all in your head…” Little did I know just how real that statement would become, but I learnt it was safer to keep my mouth closed and get on with life, trying to ignore it all.
Add 10yrs and they find a little nasty growing in my head, they’ve operated on it repeatedly, each time telling me ‘All fixed’ but it’s not. Each time leaving me further and further behind where I started. And that anxiety is very real and very little in the way of answers, which only feeds that anxiety. Some days I manage, some days it all manages me.
Does that relate?…. Ohhh, hell yea, Very much so.
Merl
Hey there,
That sounds like a very hard situation with your brain injury and the growth there having to operated on, I’m am sorry to here that and hope your brain healing well. The brain is quite incredible, from the early days of my injury I have slowly becoming better at controlling my behaviour, improved word finding etc but it’s still a battle. I wish you well it’s all possible.
The negative thoughts in my head include basically noone will ever understand my brain injury, no matter how many times I try to tell them it never helps. This negative thought makes me feel lonely and maybe not able to make a decent compassionate future, lack of hope. It’s a terrible circle of different negative thoughts which attach this aspect and I find it difficult to be optimistic.
Anyway, that’s part of it.
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Hey Stro,
Personally, I think there’s a ‘normal’ recovery process for an injury/surgery that most people expect. For example, you hurt your leg. It affects your leg, you rest and recuperate, the leg heals, you recover and life goes back to normal. But when it’s the brain, it can affect EVERYTHING, you may rest and recuperate, but that ‘healing process’ can take months/years and even then, trying to find that ‘normal’ you once knew, can be near on impossible. Some people talk of finding a ‘New Normal’ but I found it VERY difficult to accept. I wanted my old life back, but that’s long gone now, and I still miss it today.
For many years prior to my last episode I taught people with disabilities. I thought I knew all about it. But to then be the person with a disability, actually living it… …Ohh, that gave me a whole new education, one I wouldn’t wish on anybody. Others don’t understand, how could they? In hindsight, nor did I. I knew the theories, I knew how to work within my client’s limitations, but then to work within my own? OHH, HELL NO. I fought against it. I didn’t want to accept THIS.
And those negative thoughts, they’re very real. I made goals to reach, but then when I couldn’t reach them, I’d get frustrated with myself and (metaphorically) beat myself up. I had the medicos telling me “All Fixed”, only it wasn’t and that only served to feed my negativity. My negative thoughts were a self-feeding monster, eating me from the inside. I needed help. I didn’t actually see it, it was my wife who saw what I was doing. I was driving myself into the ground trying to obtain that “Normal” and she simply sat me down and told me to STOP. I made an appointment with my doctor and got a referral to a counsellor.
This was one of my better decisions on this journey, only wish I’d done so earlier. The counsellor assisted me to accept (well, somewhat accept) that I’m not in this position by choice. Accept that I had tried every way possible to return to normal and to ‘try’ to move forward, which is what I’d like to think I’ve done. Don’t get me wrong here, I still visit those deep dark holes, but I ‘try’ not to stay there, in that mindset. I say ‘try’ because I’m not always successful, but I know if I stay in that mindset it can be very destructive for me. I (again) ‘try’ to keep my mind occupied doing something, ANYTHING, to stop it going too far into the dark recesses.
If ANYBODY, ANYWHERE ever tells you this is all easy or simple to deal with, they have NEVER been in this position themselves. We know this because we live it too.
Merl
Hi Merl,
I completely agree with everything, I’ve lived a similar situation. Still living just accepting and building on what I can
And I think that’s about all we can do @stro I know I can easily curl up in a ball of ‘Poor Me’s’ and hibernate/isolate, but it doesn’t get me anywhere. Swimming around in my own headspace can drive me crazy. I know that, so I had to learn to accept where I’m at and progress from there. I had a HUGE battle in trying to reach my ‘before’ ability, only to fail… …repeatedly. I had to accept, I simply couldn’t do ‘Before’ any more. That was a very bitter pill to swallow, but from there I could re-build within my new limits.
But I have to say, it hasn’t been a straight line of progression. I can have good days, bad days and those days you wouldn’t wish on your worst enemy. I learnt I have to be prepared to work with whatever today throws at me. Some days I manage OK, some days it all manages me. I had to learn what works best for me.
Merl
Hi Merl,
Those dark days I blamed the prescription drugs I was on but looking back those were hard days. Some, most doctors actually told me after three years that’s your brain done. I’ve proved them sor many ways. It’s been a hard road to begin with but I accept the progress I make each year