Less sunlight, shorter days…I can feel my depression creaping in…The pro’s call it SADS I think…My temper is much shorter and my outlook a bit darker…No fan of holidays when your alone.
I totally understand but I’m sort of the opposite, being in Australia.
BUT:
More sun, more heat, 38c+ here. The heat screws me over bigtime. My temperature is way out of whack. It’s 38 and sweating to the point I’m shivering. Stuck inside.
And as for Christmas. I HATE IT!!! Had ‘happy cheery’ bible bashers here today trying to profess their faith to me "Ohhh go AWAY"
Get me on a good day and I’ll smile and say “No thank you"
Today was not one of those days. My heads banging and my vocabulary is full of short little 4 letter words.
Everybody is faking niceness " 'cos it’s Christmas” Not Me. Seems I’m too honest. I’m supposed to be nice, not honest. WHY??? Reality sux, well, mine does.
I don’t believe in some bloke on a cross
I don’t believe in some bloke in a red suit
And as for flying reindeer? Whose been smoking what? Give me some, cos I need it.
Sorry I’ll stop complaining now.
As I say it’s not a good day today.
2 Likes
My body demands Vitamin D 8000 iu daily during winter for the symptoms you describe.
Other people use the SAD lightboxes with 10,000 Kelvin lightbulbs. Or just the lightbulbs are supposed to work, too.
2 Likes
I suffer from SAD (seasonal affective disorder) I live in probably the worst place for it. During the summer we have the longest days ever. However during the winter we have very few hours of daylight. I try to intake as much vitamin D as possible. Yes people will try to tell you that this is a happy season and that you have every reason to be happy and that there is no reason to be upset. So with that I will tell you that you might want to try vitamin D. Also Citrus fruits. These things work for me but not necessarily you it could be beneficial to you.
~Adilyn
2 Likes
I agree about the depression going with the shorter days.
Occipital, thank you. I needed that reminder. See, I got some vitamin d 2 weeks ago, had taken it before and I was going to start taking it and forgot all about it…
Thank you for posting this. It reminds me that there are steps that can be taken to assist during the darker, shorter and colder winter days. How does one start with using light-bulbs for relieving symptoms of depression?
Citrus fruits are a good idea. Thank you for sharing. What area do you live in that is bad for SAD? I guess I’m blessed because I live in California and it is sunny, but oh gosh, so expensive too.
Anna1 I am trying 3 things to help the most with the least effort (lower barrier for adoption):
-
Use full spectrums for “doing things areas” like the office or reading lamp by the couch because that is easier to do immediately and simpler than pondering buying a big box if you want to just try it out. I am sitting there and I need a light on, so it just works.
-
Set up my phone to minimize the blue light as night approaches using night mode.
-
Do the same thing on the computer using this program.
I am happy and surprised at how well it helps.
1 Like
Occipital, Thank you so much for sharing. I like all of your ideas. In fact, I just discovered the f.lux program for minimizing harsh computer screen light last month. It’s great, isn’t it?! I just love being able to turn down the brightness of the screen when it’s too bright.
Also, I’ve already noticed an improvement in reducing my insomnia by having the screen setting adjusted to the time of day, and a decreased level of brightness as the day turns toward evening. Less bright light means in my eyes means less over-stimulation that can interfere with sleepiness. It really has helped reduce the headaches, too. I’ll take every little advantage to help get through the holidays.
I finally found an online Al-Anon support group to help me sort out the grief and confusion I’ve felt over my sister’s extreme alcoholism and cruelty towards me. The holidays are hard enough without me having to face my sister calling me and dumping her hatred and anger on me.
With TBI, I just cannot understand her gratuitous cruelty towards me.
Except of course that it’s gotten worse since I was injured in a severe motor vehicle accident. She’s still criticizing me for merely following our late Mother’s wishes as to the disposition of her earthly remains, and I cannot relate to my sister’s drunken, disruptive failures to just accept and respect our late Mother’s wishes. She passed away over seven years ago. As bad as my TBI is, I’d still not want my sister’s severe substance abuse and untreated mental illness. There are many, many people who are able to find help and I just do not understand why my sister doesn’t want to get help. I may block her telephone number so I don’t have to deal with her cruel and vicious tirades. I don’t see that it helps anyone to allow her to keep unleashing cruel abuse on me, and I find it harder to have respect for her. Sorry, maybe I should go to the “vent” area. I just want peace and serenity.
I live in alaska. It’s so dark a lot. But it’s super bright during the summer. So it’s a win lose.
Hey Anna,
I hope you don’t mind me putting my 2c worth in on your response to Occipital. Personally I don’t think you need to go to the venting area. Everything for us is linked to everything else, and your sister’s situation + your TBI + the brightness of your screen can all add up to AHHHHHH. It’s this sharing that can assist everybody on here, even those who don’t participate but still view these pages. You see this all as ‘venting’ but in venting you also mention an online Al-anon. I was unaware there was such a thing. Having a former history with AA/NA myself this information is very handy to know. So just as Occipital’s info assisted you, your info has assisted me and that’s without you even realising it. And that is how these communities work, its all about sharing.
On another point I’d like to touch on your late mothers will. Family estates are fraught with danger. This is why some people establish an Executor outside of the family. The executors role is to follow through with the deceased’s wishes and if they are outside of the family they often don’t get the emotional throwbacks, as you are receiving from your sister, for following the will by the words written. If you have been the written or proxy executor (ie executor by default) then your sister has easy access to blame someone, YOU. From my experience with alcohol, having someone else to blame made things easier for me. “…It’s not my fault… …it’s their’s…” when if I’d sobered up and looked a bit more logically, it really was my own fault. It’s much easier to look outside of self for a place to attribute blame than to have to look at self, ESPECIALLY for an alcoholic. For me looking at self was simply ugly, I’d drown it all out before I’d look at self. Then I’d blame the rest of the world for me being a drunk. I had the view of “F$%# the world and every C@#& in it” “The world is against me, so I’ll get rid of it, drown it out” It was an excuse. It wasn’t until I was forced by circumstance to stop, then dry out, then look at self (YUCK) that I saw the reality of everybody I’d burnt along the journey. That was scary and horrible. The easy way around it was to continue drinking and not look at it, ever. But I had to make the choice. Me or the bottle? But I had to get to that point, if anybody else had told me or identified it for me I would have exploded in rage at them, then gone and gotten drunk to drown my sorrows. Some people say “You have to hit ‘rock bottom’ before you can start to crawl your way out” and everybody’s rock bottom is different. For some people the losing of their job from their drinking can be rock bottom, but not me, I ended up losing everything and living on the streets. Then I had no choice but to look at ‘Me’.
So, now, I’m not sure if within ala-non this is used much, but within AA it certainly is and it’s called the serenity prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference”. Although it is used in AA, I also use it in life.
"…the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…" Other people. I cannot change other people. They are going to make their own choices, whether I agree or disagree. I can give ‘gentle’ advise but the choices are theirs.
"…Courage to change the things I can…" ME!! I can make the choices to change me, my views and my actions.
"…And the wisdom to know the difference…" This has taken time, many years in fact. I can (now) look back and see and it looks awful. I was the typical alco “Instant A%#hole, just add alcohol” I have apologised to the people who I still have some contact with from those awful days, but there aren’t many of them left now. Mainly family now. The others have all disappeared.
You (and I) have to manage our conditions for us, not anybody else. Personally I have enough issues in trying to manage for me without having to worry about how other people perceive it all. In my view if others want to judge me, fine, go for it, judge away. But before they judge I offer them my situation for a day, a single day. I am yet to find any willing takers. Nobody wants this, not even me.
I hope you can find the peace and serenity you desire.
Merl
Hi Merl,
Thank you for the insightful and understanding message. It is enormously helpful I have such little experience with knowing how things are from the perspective of a person struggling with drinking too much, and your message is enormously helpful in letting me know a broader perspective.And, I’ve very much needed to find a better way to know how or what was going on from my sister’s side of things. I just cannot Thank You enough. Yes, the online Al Anon meetings are a great help. They provide a way to connect with others grappling with the family disease of Alcoholism without even having to leave the home.My sister called me again and unleashed such extreme abuse that I changed my telephone numbers. But she did at least say that she’s going to stop bringing up the issue about our late mothers cremains. Now I have to focus on fortifying myself and recovering from her several-week long emotional battering campaign against me. Your perspective is invaluable in helping me get a better understanding: she’s so maddened by alcohol that she’s unable to recognize the extreme harm and damage that she’s been inflicting on me…and over nothing that is rational or reasonable.
This is an important lesson for me in recognizing that it’s necessary to keep enough distance between us that she cannot be given the opportunity again to just call me whenever the urge hits her to unleash endless hate and viciousness against me. It will be a long time before I will be able to even consider allowing her to have one of my telephone numbers again, because it’s just too insane and toxic for me to endure. I think my TBI makes me a bit slower to recognize the instant when she turns from somewhat normal sister to vicious, emotionally violent bully. This was an important reality check for me about how much worse she’s become. Blaming me has become second nature to her. Her personality is more unstable, her behavior ever more wildly destructive towards me. It’s sad, but I must accept the severity of her impairment and find peace about it as I cannot change it. The Serenity prayer is so perfect. And as you so well put it, we have our own conditions to manage.
I’ve got about 12 weeks to come up with enough money to make a down payment on my back property taxes (about $1,900. US dollars), or I will lose my home to a tax auction. That is enough stress to have me losing sleep 24/7. I may even start a gofundme campaign to raise money. Meanwhile, I’m applying for every job I can qualify for. It’s nerve-wracking. I’m also going to get a broker and list my home for sale because if I can sell it by April, I can pay the back taxes and move and find something different. I just can’t thank you enough for helping me find some understanding, perspective, and peace about this. I’m doing all that I can to pull through these next 12 weeks without losing my sanity, and it’s just so scary. But with a calm, steady approach, and selling my car and whatever else of value I have, I can get through this and be okay. I just have to have faith and take it one step at a time, one day at a time. Thank you so very much for the steadying, calming influence!
Thank you as well for sharing your story because if you have managed to pull yourself back up from having lost everything and living on the streets, it’s an inspiration to me that people can recover their lives, with enough time and effort. I’m so glad that you are in a better place. And yes, I will find calmness, serenity and some peace, as I just do my best each day. I will be applying to any sort of temp typing or word processing/office temp job that I can find. Somehow this will get worked out. Thanks again for sharing.
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient(s). Any review, use, distribution or disclosure is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by email and delete the message and any file attachments from your computer. Thank you.
Merl
December 23 |
Hey Anna,
I hope you don’t mind me putting my 2c worth in on your response to Occipital. Personally I don’t think you need to go to the venting area. Everything for us is linked to everything else, and your sister’s situation + your TBI + the brightness of your screen can all add up to AHHHHHH. It’s this sharing that can assist everybody on here, even those who don’t participate but still view these pages. You see this all as ‘venting’ but in venting you also mention an online Al-anon. I was unaware there was such a thing. Having a former history with AA/NA myself this information is very handy to know. So just as Occipital’s info assisted you, your info has assisted me and that’s without you even realising it. And that is how these communities work, its all about sharing.
On another point I’d like to touch on your late mothers will. Family estates are fraught with danger. This is why some people establish an Executor outside of the family. The executors role is to follow through with the deceased’s wishes and if they are outside of the family they often don’t get the emotional throwbacks, as you are receiving from your sister, for following the will by the words written. If you have been the written or proxy executor (ie executor by default) then your sister has easy access to blame someone, YOU. From my experience with alcohol, having someone else to blame made things easier for me. “…It’s not my fault… …it’s their’s…” when if I’d sobered up and looked a bit more logically, it really was my own fault. It’s much easier to look outside of self for a place to attribute blame than to have to look at self, ESPECIALLY for an alcoholic. For me looking at self was simply ugly, I’d drown it all out before I’d look at self. Then I’d blame the rest of the world for me being a drunk. I had the view of “F$%# the world and every C@#& in it” “The world is against me, so I’ll get rid of it, drown it out” It was an excuse. It wasn’t until I was forced by circumstance to stop, then dry out, then look at self (YUCK) that I saw the reality of everybody I’d burnt along the journey. That was scary and horrible. The easy way around it was to continue drinking and not look at it, ever. But I had to make the choice. Me or the bottle? But I had to get to that point, if anybody else had told me or identified it for me I would have exploded in rage at them, then gone and gotten drunk to drown my sorrows. Some people say “You have to hit ‘rock bottom’ before you can start to crawl your way out” and everybody’s rock bottom is different. For some people the losing of their job from their drinking can be rock bottom, but not me, I ended up losing everything and living on the streets. Then I had no choice but to look at ‘Me’.
So, now, I’m not sure if within ala-non this is used much, but within AA it certainly is and it’s called the serenity prayer. “God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Courage to change the things I can and the Wisdom to know the difference”. Although it is used in AA, I also use it in life.
“…the serenity to accept the things I cannot change…” Other people. I cannot change other people. They are going to make their own choices, whether I agree or disagree. I can give ‘gentle’ advise but the choices are theirs.
“…Courage to change the things I can…” ME!! I can make the choices to change me, my views and my actions.
“…And the wisdom to know the difference…” This has taken time, many years in fact. I can (now) look back and see and it looks awful. I was the typical alco “Instant A%#hole, just add alcohol” I have apologised to the people who I still have some contact with from those awful days, but there aren’t many of them left now. Mainly family now. The others have all disappeared.
You (and I) have to manage our conditions for us, not anybody else. Personally I have enough issues in trying to manage for me without having to worry about how other people perceive it all. In my view if others want to judge me, fine, go for it, judge away. But before they judge I offer them my situation for a day, a single day. I am yet to find any willing takers. Nobody wants this, not even me.
I hope you can find the peace and serenity you desire.
Merl
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In Reply To
Anna1
December 21 |
Occipital, Thank you so much for sharing. I like all of your ideas. In fact, I just discovered the f.lux program for minimizing harsh computer screen light last month. It’s great, isn’t it?! I just love being able to turn down the brightness of the screen when it’s too bright. Also, I’ve alrea…
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Hey Anna,
Alcohol is a remover, It’ll take stickers off of any surface. Removes ink stains from white shirts Removes all kinds of stains from clothes, dissolve tar from the soles of shoes. It’ll dissolves brain cells, logical thought and relationships (especially families).
Two things that go together though is alcohol and blame. Blame for others wrongs, blame for hurt, blame for disadvantage, blame for pain, blame for … …the list is endless… …but the hardest blame to deal with (and the most unrecognisable) is self blame. When it’s a blame of self that anger can’t be focused outwardly, so we focus it inwardly, at self. I tried to dissolve mine by trying to dissolve me, drown it in alcohol. I had to look at that to identify it and I couldn’t do that drunk. NOT NICE, in fact BLOODY UGLY. And I failed more times than I can count on my fingers (and toes) but eventually, with help, lots of help, I got there. It took years for family to comeback and one still hasn’t. I haven’t seen her in 30yrs, and can not blame her for that either, that was 100% me. I burnt those bridges beyond repair. I have to live with that.
As for your sister, you MUST look after you. You have too. You cannot change other people, you can’t change your sister. You can give assistance, but the change or the choice to change has to come from her. In her sober moments, have a moment with her with some clarity. Be gentle, but let her know your ‘brain’ battles, let her know the impact of her attitude towards you. But you need to draw a line and say something like “…I’m here for you BUT if X. Y. or Z. happens again I can’t manage it anymore…” your mother’s will was not within your control. Courage to change the things you can? could you change your mothers written will? NO!!! They were your mother’s choices, not yours.
If your sister or yourself are unsure where to get help, ask me and I’ll find it for you. BUT (And this is a BIG BUT ) It MUST be YOUR SISTERS CHOICE TO CHANGE. If you force her and she fails you will end up being the biggest villain the world has ever known in her eyes and that can last a lifetime. BE GENTLE
Now, before I sign off, I say all of this as a suggestion. I do not know your situation, I do not know your sisters situation and I don’t want to destroy what little relationship you still have. But there are professionals out there who can help, people you can both talk to individually to help with the process, it ain’t easy. That I can tell you from experience, it ain’t easy. But if you need help PLEASE ask, I’m here. I’ll find services for you within your local area if you require them.
Merl
1 Like
Hey everyone, Mod Seenie here.
We completely get how you feel about this time of the year: the compulsory cheeriness, the forced socializing … yeah, it’s not so great for many of our members. That’s why we keep our holiday greetings kind of low key, and we’re always glad to see the understanding, supportive relationships that exist here.
Knowing that it’s not easy for all our members to get through the holiday season (and the short, dark days, if you are in the Northern Hemisphere) we’re posting this (click on the blue text) on all of our communities.
This is a very special and supportive community in the Ben’s Friends network. We hope that you get through this season, and maybe even find a bit of comfort and joy. Whatever the case, we’re here for you.
Best wishes from all of us at Moderator Support (TJ, Christina, Meli and Seenie)
1 Like
Anna1,
Thanks for being open about joining Al-Anon and wanting to learn from everyone. From my thirty years of AA it taught me powerlessness every which way. For some reason, powerlessness brings out the worse in human nature and causes us to feel the need to fight. Powerlessness can also create this obsession and hostile feelings toward others. Powerlessness is also closely associated with hopelessness. Then a 12 step program implies failure and being humiliated. Naturally this is why we need a support group to deal with this powerlessness.
I believe you will learn the irony in powerlessness is serenity, acceptance or peace within and becomes a meaning beyond what it intend to create. Hopelessness feels like powerlessness, and yet when it is accepted it helps to acquire a new depth. Powerlessness is repulsive and powerlessness is a vulnerable point, which can bring out our worse. So in a sense, your sister may be compensating what she feels as insecurity with pride and arrogance, which is usually just words for denial. Yet the 12 step program teaches acceptance of powerlessness and becomes this shift in the center of gravity. It becomes just this living in the moment, a flow, or what could be considered and Underground River. It seems we can only go underground with powerlessness and the soil offers nature and nature’s ways.
Oh my goodness, Thank you so much, Merl. What a life-saver your message is. I received it when I was at such a low, and then I couldn’t find it (it was hiding within the new format for my Yahoo account). It has helped tremendously and I am most grateful for your insights and experience. And YES, please, I could definitely use some help. I don’t ever want to feel as if my nerves have been frazzled so badly as they have been the last couple of weeks. It’s snapped me out of denial and into an awareness that if I don’t do a better job of taking care of myself, my sister will bring me down with her.
I have to start with me, and I don’t know if she wants help because she’s never once mentioned getting sober, as crazy as that is to me. You’re entirely correct that she has to want help, but she is too defiant right now and yes, I have to be very gentle with her. As unhappy as she is she shows no interest in changing, not at all. For myself, I WANT to change and stop being co-dependent with her because this last drama with her very nearly did me in. So if it’s not too much effort for you, where would you suggest I start? I’m presently attending the telephone and online Al Anon groups, and that’s a good start. I just started doing that again and it’s already helping a lot. Just being able to know that I’m not alone.
Merl, Thank you a thousand times over for your kind offer of help. I’ve learned I cannot do this alone. Were it not for the TBI, I think I’d be further along, but after the injuries it has been so hard to get out to go to meetings and keep up with Al Anon. I’ve got to heal my heart and soul because she may well never choose to change, and yet I can not allow her to continue destroying me every chance she gets. So many Thanks out to you!
Anna
1 Like
No problem Anna. No problem at all.
Another AA saying is “Whenever anybody anywhere reaches out for help I want the hand of AA to be there” and again I have used this in life, just minus the AA bit. It’s a bit odd how life works, giving us these tools that we often think, “I’ll never use those tools again” only to find those tools have LOTS of uses. I have spent 25yrs (prior to my current situation) doing exactly that, helping others.
My younger years were ‘troublesome’ to say the least, but I learnt lots. When I eventually ‘got my shit together’ I worked supporting young people by running a youth accommodation program so they didn’t take the same godforsaken route I did. Through this I meet my wife who was working with people with disabilities. I did a bit of study, got me a certificate and started working with those same clients, people with disabilities, which I did for 15yrs. Never dreaming that one day, now, I’d be the one with the disability. But those clients who I was teaching how to live independently in the community were actually teaching me many of the skills I now find I need today. It turns out that by helping others I also ended up helping myself in more ways than I could ever have imagined. So, me assisting you is no problem whatsoever.
OK, so now you and your situation. From your writings I can see you have some clarity, you can see what is happening and where that can lead. That insight is a MASSIVE plus for you, some people never gain that insight at all and stumble through, tripping over every obstacle possible. That knowledge is going to be a big plus. You have some supports around you, there’s another plus. As crazy as it may seem to you that your sister is not at the point of change it is important to respect those decisions too. As I say its not until she hits that rock bottom that the decision to make a change can occur.
I’ve done a quick search of services within your area and it seems there are a few resources available. Some have there own networks of differing services to meet the differing needs of their clients and in some cases families. These may offer a starting point for you to investigate.
https://www.recovery.org/browse/pleasant-hill-ca/
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/treatment-rehab/alcohol-rehab/ca/pleasant-hill
https://sobernation.com/rehabs/pleasant-hill-ca/
Please let me know if these are appropriate as I maybe looking in totally the wrong direction, with this information I can refine my searches to something a bit more specific. The priority I have in all of this is to keep you safe both physically and mentally. I know, from experience, the emotional drain can be enormous so I don’t want to be adding to that at all.
Anna, I want to wish you the best of luck and to tell you to use every resource that you see necessary to obtain a safe and healthy outcome. Please know you are not alone.
Merl
1 Like
Merl,
Thank you so much for the resources… I am living in North Sacramento now, for cheaper housing, after having moved away from Pleasant Hill. If it wouldn’t be too much of an imposition, could you help me find resources in the North Sacramento area? What a fascinating background you have! Having worked for so long with disabled folks and supporting young people and helping them to live independently. Wow. That’s a lot of very valuable experience. You also have tremendous personal insight to be able to explain how alcohol is a remover, and the many different ways that it impacts folks.
Alcoholism is such a sinister disease, and yet so very vexing. It never ceases to amaze me how much this disease has impacted my life, and without me myself ever personally taking any at all. The first time I tried alcohol as a stupid kid sneaking some from my mother’s supply along with my sister, it made me so sick and miserable that I never, ever wanted anything further to do with it. In fact, the smallest single sip would trigger such severe headaches and nausea in me that I’d feel bad for as long as three days. So for my own brain chemistry, it has never been a temptation. Yet my mother’s alcoholism helped lead to a very harsh death and had thoroughly undermined and de-stabilized her life. And now the dreadful impact of my dear sister’s alcoholism has been so devastating and destructive to me. I have to face my own co-dependence and deal with my desire to “fix” or help her.
You offer great wisdom. It is true that my sister is not at the point of change, and I have to respect that decision. I don’t know how much worse things can get, because she’s already had five drunk driving arrests, and each year she just seems to get so much worse. She no longer works and receives a monthly retirement sum from an early “safety” retirement from her prior employment as a Psychiatric Technician. She has a psychiatric diagnoses with Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder after her friend and co-worker was murdered and mutilated by a criminally insane Sociopath and sex offender at the State Hospital where she used to work. So that is heavy duty trauma, and complicates things very badly. She’s never recovered from that, and is plagued with Insomnia, panic attacks, anxiety, all manner of issues with grief and death, and it so severely exacerbates her problems with alcohol. But, I must save myself and take responsibility for my well-being, for if I don’t she’d not hesitate to take me down with her.
Thank you for letting me know I’m not alone. Having been injured by a drunk driver in a catastrophic accident and being left disabled for life has been the hardest thing I’ve ever endured. Presently I am fighting mightily to return to the work force. I have an interview tomorrow with a financial agency that is recruiting, and they liked something about my resume. I’ve got to set out the right clothes tonight and plan how to take public transportation to get to the interview, which is some sort of a group meeting as opposed to one on one. But as scary as it feels to try to return to some sort of work, it is something I must face. The poverty and unemployment since my accident ten years ago has been very punishing indeed. Yet I am determined to make the best of it, and to rise above this. I am just so thankful that the brutal levels of pain have lessened enough to allow me to try to get working again. Thank you again for your help, Merl. Many happy returns to you! p.s. I cling to my cats for comfort and solace. They really are like an anchor to me sometimes.
CONFIDENTIALITY NOTICE: This email may contain confidential and privileged material for the sole use of the intended recipient(s). Any review, use, distribution or disclosure is strictly prohibited. If you have received this communication in error, please notify the sender immediately by email and delete the message and any file attachments from your computer. Thank you.
Merl
December 27 |
No problem Anna. No problem at all.
Another AA saying is “Whenever anybody anywhere reaches out for help I want the hand of AA to be there” and again I have used this in life, just minus the AA bit. It’s a bit odd how life works, giving us these tools that we often think, “I’ll never use those tools again” only to find those tools have LOTS of uses. I have spent 25yrs (prior to my current situation) doing exactly that, helping others.
My younger years were ‘troublesome’ to say the least, but I learnt lots. When I eventually ‘got my shit together’ I worked supporting young people by running a youth accommodation program so they did take the same godforsaken route I did. Through this I meet my wife who was working with people with disabilities. I did a bit of study, got me a certificate and started working with those same clients, people with disabilities, which I did for 15yrs. Never dreaming that one day, now, I’d be the one with the disability. But those clients who I was teaching how to live independently in the community were actually teaching me many of the skills I now find I need today. It turns out that by helping others I also ended up helping myself in more ways than I could ever have imagined. So, me assisting you is no problem whatsoever.
OK, so now you and your situation. From your writings I can see you have some clarity, you can see what is happening and where that can lead. That insight is a MASSIVE plus for you, some people never gain that insight at all and stumble through, tripping over every obstacle possible. That knowledge is going to be a big plus. You have some supports around you, there’s another plus. As crazy as it may seem to you that your sister is not at the point of change it is important to respect those decisions too. As I say its not until she hits that rock bottom that the decision to make a change can occur.
I’ve done a quick search of services within your area and it seems there are a few resources available. Some have there own networks of differing services to meet the differing needs of their clients and in some cases families. These may offer a starting point for you to investigate.
Please let me know if these are appropriate as I maybe looking in totally the wrong direction, with this information I can refine my searches to something a bit more specific. The priority I have in all of this is to keep you safe both physically and mentally. I know, from experience, the emotional drain can be enormous so I don’t want to be adding to that at all.
Anna, I want to wish you the best of luck and to tell you to use every resource that you see necessary to obtain a safe and healthy outcome. Please know you are not alone.
Merl
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In Reply To
Anna1
December 27 |
Oh my goodness, Thank you so much, Merl. What a life-saver your message is. I received it when I was at such a low, and then I couldn’t find it (it was hiding within the new format for my Yahoo account). It has helped tremendously and I am most grateful for your insights and experience. And YES,…
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OK, so I’ve found similar services as the previous links that may assist
Sacramento County Alcohol and Drug Services 916 - 648 - 0305
http://www.strategies4change.org/
I’ve also located a government D&A helpline. So if you move or change states this number may be able to assist nationwide. They may also be able to refine my limited search to a service that specifically meets your needs as a family member.
Their number is (800) 662 - 4357
Hope it helps
Merl
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Thank you so much Merl. So greatly appreciated.
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Merl
December 29 |
Anna1:
North Sacramento
OK, so I’ve found similar services as the previous links that may assist
Sacramento County Alcohol and Drug Services 916 - 648 - 0305
http://www.strategies4change.org/
San Diego Addiction Treatment Center
Sacramento, CA Drug Treatment and Alcohol Rehab Information - San Diego…
Information on Drug and Alcohol Treatment Centers in Sacramento, CA
I’ve also located a government D&A helpline. So if you move or change states this number may be able to assist nationwide. They may also be able to refine my limited search to a service that specifically meets your needs as a family member.
Their number is (800) 662 - 4357
Hope it helps
Merl
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In Reply To
Anna1
December 29 |
Merl, Thank you so much for the resources… I am living in North Sacramento now, for cheaper housing, after having moved away from Pleasant Hill. If it wouldn’t be too much of an imposition, could you help me find resources in the North Sacramento area? What a fascinating background you have! Ha…
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