My story and looking help to understand my sitution

Hello. its been almost 6 years since i passed out and fell from fence.i was 16. It was winter time and my arms were broken. i think i grounded on frozen cow manure. i was unconscious for few hours. When i woke up it was dark and it was afternoon when i was trying to feed cows.

My parents did their best to help me. They thought i only broke my arms.
Since then i my behavior change started. First i didn’t notice. I was just doing what i enjoyed.
I started lying, addicted to video game, lost my interest on studying and started to hate to talk to people.
I was 1 of the best student of my high school. now i am spending 6 years to get my bachelor degree. Finally my parents are about to give up.

few days ago I read research papers on the internet about TBI. all they said is correct to me.
I know what i have to do. but i always i feel something inside of myself like fear or laziness. I don’t understand myself sometimes,fear of such simple tasks that i have to do.
I fear to check my facebook notification. i know there is nothing to bite me but…
How long TBI behavior change last if i didn’t get any treatment ? Can still something messing up in my brain?

Thanks and sorry for my poor english

Well it’s been 11 years this month since my tbi and at times I feel like I am only getting to feel stupider! The loss of words is extremely irritating to say the least, they are all words within my vocabulary, I just can’t think of them when I need to. Lately it’s tv stars I recognize, just can’t think of their names! Have to ask wife, who is that… there are days it feels like I’m only getting worse others I’m ok, about as ok as one can be in ones new life.
Yes I was in a coma for a couple of months only to come back with no memory of that time and continue on with 10 months of rehab. I had to re-learn everything. From learning to talk, walk and even wipe my butt. So in my experience is you really never get over it. However my son suffered a brain injury at 13, was in a coma for like 3 weeks and made a complete recovery! He went on to become an Army officer.

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How long TBI behavior change last if i didn’t get any treatment ? Can still something messing up in my brain?
That’s like asking “How long is a piece of string?” There are just too many variable. No 2 brains are the same and nor are 2 brain injuries. Brain injuries can be lifelong struggles. Some people find other ways to cope, other ways to manage around their injuries, but some simply can’t. Some people need time for their bodies to recover, where others seem to be able to get straight back into life.
Can something still be messing up in my brain? HELL YEA. I’m 5yrs since my most recent episode and I have days when I could leap the highest mountain, but then I have days when I’m lucky to crawl out of bed I’m so messed up. I had a miss diagnosed/undiagnosed injury for 20+yrs, was simply labelled a S&%T of a kid (and I was) but then 20yrs on they found there may have been a reason. They operated to fix the problem only to result in further issues, they’ve operated 6 times now and if I wasn’t messed up before, I sure as hell am now. So, ‘Can still something messing up in my brain?’ HELL YEA.

Family can be one of the hardest things to deal with for anybody. Add a TBI to the mix and it can be the biggest obstacle you’ll ever face. Often for family to accept they need documentary proof, not an “I think I might have a TBI” line. Being that the initial injury was sometime ago you may need to go see a few dr’s, brain scans may show it, but they may not too. Neuropsychologist may be able to run some test but personally I’d be starting with your PCP, discuss it with them. They will know what sort of options maybe available to you. But if you have a letter/report from a medical professional others are less likely to doubt you.

This is not an easy path to be travelling, especially with a delayed diagnosis, but people here understand from personal experience. I wish you the best in your search, but just know you are not alone in all this. We have been there too, so come talk to us.



It appears to me you are beginning to face denial, which goes with the territory of a head injury. Denial can go two ways, either by getting through the problem by tuning out or by ego inflation. Usually a big ego is belligerent and can strong-arm people. In agriculture it is expressed in being bullies, who make no apologies and who order people around, which sometimes can explode into rage if the orders are not carried out immediately. The ego is involved with getting what people in agriculture need and usually they will not compromise. Also, in your agriculture background, you may notice a proud behavior and even a combativeness, so as to get the job done. There is something about agriculture that everything is a contest of wills.

You may be up against a psychological warfare, taught in the agriculture business. It is survival and within agriculture is this violence to survive within nature’s harsh environment. Your brain injury, therefore, may be communicating a weakness and naturally this may make your pride feel crushed. Rather than risking your pride being hurt by anymore you may feel the need to withdraw and the irony is people do not understand who you are here. What may be felt as weakness, your brain injury, may also communicate aggression and then this avalanches on top of you. Naturally you do not want to resort to violence because you do not want violent conflict with others. It appears to me this violence, denial, and your agriculture background is making you withdraw and fearful something more is going to overwhelm you.

Being obsessed with defending yourself from being overwhelmed and from potential threats of your environment — that is, from whatever you see as violence — will also exclude the good. Because of your brain injury and this programming in your subconscious mind this is extremely hard to sort out. The environment may become more dangerous, then the result may become this place where you project your fear and aggression onto others. Everyone and everything then becomes more dangerous. You may feel your mental connections going haywire, the madman is attacking, and you may feel the need to curse. This craziness makes no sense and the violence may make you feel terrified, as you may feel overwhelmed and then it is within you.

What I recommend is finding someone or a support group who can help you simply to master your mind. It is finding this place where your weakness becomes okay and you can learn to let go of your aggressive impulses. It appears to me this withdraw is keeping you safe from the violence of your background and yet appears to be creating impulses that are overpowering your mind. Your brain injury cannot sort it out and you may feel there is no longer this ability to identify with anything or anyone. Yet for some reason, with a brain injury and because of denial, this creates withdraw and does not create self-confidence.

Courage is your greatest ability within you, which is also taught in agriculture. Courage is fearlessness and it is not defying fear or taking the bull by the horns. Real courage is more this inner strength and this inner support. It naturally arises as you need it, just like the courage horses have when they are working cattle. So I recommend pulling up memories of a good horse you have worked with and feel the solidness and unfolding this horse offered you. Let your horse work for you and allow yourself to accept the not-knowing of your environment. Acceptance will also help break this denial, opens doors, and courage gives you the ability to walk through the doors.

My background is agriculture and I am a workaholic and a rageaholic. And if you need help sorting this out please try to face this denial, ask for help if you need it, and if you feel this aggression that appears to be overpowering your mind this could be your mind trying to master the real world. Now with a brain injury you may simply need to learn to become the master of your own mind by asking for someone in person who can help you sort this out. I am sorry it is not easy because of your background.

As I have said, you have an overwhelming situation both with your head injury and your background and yet you also have this ability to clarify your boundaries. There appears to be a key within you to understand the whole and falling off the fence maybe after all could be a new discovery. We all need this from you. I give you a thanks for being here and learning to accept ambiguity and uncertainty.

PS: Notice how ambiguity and uncertainty may make you feel like nothing to hold on to or believe in. If so this may be what is causing withdraw, so as not to be overwhelmed by the outside world. This creates overheated mental associations and the brain cannot sort it out. Then denial speaks either with aggression, withdraw, or not-looking, so to break this trap is your courage. Truly your gift to humanity will be your ability to sort out boundaries and not attempting to do the impossible, but only understanding what you have understood before.