Need a little advise

I need a little help, I'm not sure how to handle when my husband say things that are totally off the wall (for lack of better definition), I know it is very real to him. Sometimes he becomes very angry when I try to convince him that its from a dream , or he is not remembering correctly. It makes my cry sometimes because I can't convince him it is not real. Any suggestions on how to make this easier for both of us. Mostly it is after he has slept but not always. We started new therapy group which I hope will help its called BICS "Brain Injury Coping Skills" but I need all the help I can get. Thanks

I know with Alsheimer's patients, best practices include avoiding arguing, and minimizing criticizing or correcting errors made by the patient. Perhaps the same would apply here? Is it vital that your husband's memories be corrected?

Good Point dancermom, if it's not essential to correct him, maybe just let him tell his story, or feelings. Perhaps later, with a little time for the thoughts to settle, he can judge the time frame and events a little more clearly. Of course I don't know what the subject of the dream is, and It's none of my business! But, I was there at one point, more so in the hospital coming out of the fog, and drugs had more than a little to do with it. But we all have dreams where we wake at a point of fear or anger or hurt or ... love. I would talk to his Dr. and or neuro psych. for advise and to inform them. Wishing you peace and progress and compassion/empathy, as I've been on both sides of the situation

Thanks its no so much memories. For example the other day he wanted to change the shower head he asked me for the little copper fitting. I said im not sure what your wanting. He said you know ive been carrying it for two days in my pocket. At this point he is yelling describing the piece and a conversation we did not have. I tried oh you figured out what we need we can go get the fitting. Thats when he starts yelling he is not stupid he knows he has it, do I really think he would make it up and get this mad for nothing. At this point I am crying asking him to calm down we will figure it out. I left him alone for a bit. When I came back in the room he started crying and telling me he is sorry he should have known it was in his head. My heart breaks for him. I hate thinking im making it harder for him. Most of the time it happens its within an hour or two of him waking up.

Try deflection. "Okay, we can get to that in a little bit, but right now let's have breakfast..." or something similar. If you can deflect long enough until he becomes more lucid, perhaps you can avoid the situation sometimes, which I can see must be very hard on both of you.

When you start the Brain Injury coping group, which sounds like a terrific idea, please share what you learn with us. I hope it makes life easier!


My Mom used to correct my Dad and would have these awful arguments. I asked her to not do that but rather agree the best you can. If he wanted her to get something she'd say, okay Jim, I think I know where that is, I'll go look now. She'd leave the room (hospital room), go use the bathroom or go get something to eat, perhaps something for him and by the time she got back to his room he'd have forgotten. Or she'd say she just couldn't find it, she'll have so and so look when they get home.

This stopped the stress on both parties. I don't know why it wouldn't work in your situation...worth a try?

Best of luck and I just know the coping class will help you both!

Be sweet to yourself...things will get better

Always~Laurel aka gotTHATcall

Hi tigger2, hope the coping group is going well. The therapist should be able to identify the issue and provide some insight and tools to help. I have seen this before in others…it is frustrating. Have you tried “redirecting”…ie distraction…changing subject. like…oh I always liked that shirt your wearing, you got that at bla Bla store last spring didn’t you? Anyway, hang in there!