Appreciation for life now

my name is Annie and I have had my TBI for 27 years, i received my head injury from childhood abuse(shaken baby syndrome)-which for those of you who don’t know what that is I’ll explain- Shaken baby syndrome is where a infants brain is shook and damaged to internal brain damage including brain swelling, bleeding but most cases baby never survives. i have been in and out of facilities most my life and honestly my life has been chaotic and very stressful due to issues with concentration and memory. but i had a eye opening experience in 2017 where i realized i had to work at change to be better and more productive for myself, and my kids. it wont come unless you work for it. i live at a facility- Neuro restorative in paducah ky- where it gets crazy busy with schedules but the patients here have been taught and rely on each others love and support to better themselves, its not always a good day here for everyone, after all our lives are totally different and we have to relearn how to change our daily schedule and life to get better now. but its so amazing when we have a patient that is sad or ready to give up- the other patients help that person cheer up and just listen to there problems and give them advice BUT most importantly no matter how long it takes for that person to get out of depression here or no matter how many days they might cry, or have physical or mental breakdowns we stick by them through thick and thin in those situations to give them a ear but also give them what we all lack now the most- due to being inpatient FAMILY LOVE, and hope that they can achieve the impossible and go back to living independently with there families- (only if they do one thing 100% of the time) which is never give up and stay strong through all the storms that occur in life. just remember if u fall, don’t stay down get right up and remember one day at a time and if you try as hard as you can and also believe in your self you will move mountains in life---- try it you’ll see!!! thank you for your time- Annie

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From a human being to you I am sorry you had to experience this abuse and I am sorry you had to feel what may have felt as being essentially alone in life. I am sorry you had to feel rejected or at least it appears those who cared for you did not take much interest in you. I suspect, over the years, you may have felt something deeply wrong with you and may have felt somehow defective because you did not get the kind of nurturing attention which, as a child, you needed. I am deeply sorry you had to feel this aggression, unwanted and feeling out of place.

What I admire about you is your courage, against what appears to be this overwhelming sense of an essential flaw, so deep it could not be healed. The feeling of hopelessness could have been a current you may have felt you had to swim against, but something within you appears to have turned this around. This turning and finding growth in the bad appears to allow you to be life-enhancing. This quality of consciousness maybe can only be maintained in the act itself, as you describe, and it feels like in this act of being life-enhancing you are able to let go of self-consciousness.

This moment of writing to you and admiring your life-enhancing qualities is primarily not a feeling, as it is the act in the moment and inspiration. Drawing on this inspiration helps me filter all my raw material, my painful experiences, and to let go, mysteriously. Truly your courage and your depth is a wellspring of inspiration. Truly I am not trying to create a meaning beyond what you intended to create. It is just this courage in your being human, with all the doubts and weakness, that appears to reflect this deep inner essence of your courage. Your courage appears to be this authentic thing to do. Your courage appears to be this depth to accept.

Annie, I am not trying to create loving feelings or give you deep value that is beyond, but you need to know you appear to be a good friend to many people and the “other” appears to be not a function of yourself. What a special gift, in your sharp sense of unique otherness, you appear to give in the otherness of everything. I say this because deep in your courage you appear to see people and the “other” not as a function of yourself or objects to be used for your own gratification. Truly the absurdity of much of human behavior is in the light of your courage and is deeply admirable. You appear solid and noble able to give life to others, even to yourself, and now we have this gift from you to us.

Thank you for wanting and choosing courage to transform your life into something higher. Wow, what a gift of your life-enhancing quality and wanting others to be aware of themselves as individuals, where there is no need to hide, is also a gift. Truly you are bringing something special, something good, and something beautiful within you into the world. It appears this unique otherness of being life-enhancing is bringing good out of evil, hope from hopelessness, meaning from absurdity, and saving what appeared to be lost. Thanksgiving spontaneously comes to mind and is fitting for you, as you appear to be transforming your life and others into something higher.

I am not sure why but tears want to fall into something beyond, even beyond conscious control, and this quality is inspiration from you, and I hope tears are considered quality by you. Annie, it could not be otherwise and just a resting point for me ---- just the significance of you

Courage is contagious. Thank you for spreading yours: I hope to catch some of it. A lot of it! We are in it together, right?