Book help

General
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I’ve had a few people suggest I write a book… I don’t view myself as a author type but I never view myself as a brain injury type yet here I am XD (it’s a joke uhg)

I don’t think I could write anything made up. I’m not creative anymore. At all. Trust me.

Would anyone here be interested in reading a book that was basically letters between yourself and your brain through recovery?

If I was going​ to write a book I’d want to write a book for those of us who are tbi survivors for us. Honestly all the books I’ve seen are very… technical and for ethier explaining tbi to non tbi people by someone with tbi or explained by a doctor or whatever. It’s a book by tbi people for non tbi people usually and that didn’t help me when I was starting out.

I know there are books about people’s experience with tbi but that’s not what I would enjoy writing.

I’d want to write something so if a person new to tbi or not new new… because I couldn’t read even after the first year very well…But something so they could relate to it and maybe at some point go hey that point in recovery is something im at. I’m not phrasing it well.

When I was first hurt I would’ve killed for a book by someone with tbi not explaining what might happen or what was happening. But for a book I could recognize myself in, my injury in, in terms I could understand that wasn’t “I’m a dad with kids and a tbi and I work as a college professor these are my challenges for you normal people” (bonus points if you know the book) because I had my own challenges, I didn’t have energy to relate to that and sort out what it meant for me because I’m not a dad with kids that teaches college stuff (narrow mindedness was strong the first years). But a book going “you are going to feel like this probably. You might think that. And that’s normal now. Don’t feel ashamed of it someone else thought stuff like that” would’ve helped some… probably.

I’ll try to do an example:
“Dear self,
Today is going to be a mood swing day. Cancel that. This year might be, I haven’t decided yet.
You’re going to feel so irrationally angry you’ll want to punch a wall, instead you’ll yell at everyone and yourself. After that you’ll punch or kick a wall. Then we have to balance that out… With you feeling so, so, so very sad and self loathing the only reason you won’t die today is because you’ll decide to wait 24 hours. Right after that you’ll feel so happy you think you can’t even remember what being sad felt like.
We’ll continue this cycle all day every hour or so.
That is what will happen for now.
Signed, Your Brain”

“To Brain,
Why would that seem like a good plan? I’m so raving mad this is happening to me. I don’t understand why this is necessary. Great. Moodswings. Great job. Now I’m too sad to even finish the rant to you. I’ll probably take a nap because life is awful anyway.
Now I’m done taking my nap. I’m in a much better mood now! Im kind of sorry I yelled at you, Brain. But still.
Now I have a migraine so I have to go play the stare at the wall as long as I can until I fall asleep again game.
Thanks a lot.
From, self.”

Hope that kind of made sense. What do you all think? Its probably too abstract to get…idk. Obviously I don’t feel that way now. But I think it’s an example of something relatable early on for some of us.

Just…give me some feed back. Because if it doesn’t make sense or isnt relatable or something any of you would have interest in it probably won’t be for any other tbi people ethier and no point wasting time on writing it then. Ideas are welcome :slight_smile:

Thank you!

1 Like
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What an interesting idea, Caitlin! I love your conversational writing style: it comes across as very real and its very readable.

I don’t know that book. But you made me laugh. :joy:

Seenie from ModSupport

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I really like that idea! As Mod said, it’s relatable and authentic…

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Thank you both! Yeah I write very conversational it drove my teachers crazy XD. If it’s a good idea maybe I’ll do it :slight_smile: it’ll just take forever :slight_smile:

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Adding the book was The ghost in my brain by Clark Elliott Ph.D

We got it a few years ago. It helped my mom understand my injury a lot and from little parts she told me and I skimmed it was a good book. But definitely geared to non tbi people. Which it is a good book for that purpose. As someone with tbi though I still can’t read let alone understand about 85% of the book.

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Caitlin,

It seems to me, writing about a TBI is like running into a stone wall. The brain will not do anything and does not want to. So to me making sense of a TBI is resolving this enormous gap between what the brain takes itself to be and the truth who and what we really are. The gap appears to create denial.

It seems to me denial is such a block that a TBI person becomes numb, affectless condition and complete dissociation from the self. This TBI self is removed from the body and now functions on its own. The extent of the brains ability to deny what has happened is astounding. It is a pathetic state and the dissociation becomes a way of life, or precisely a way of not living. TBI person goes into this fog of dissociation. We seem to react with denial and react by denying life until we can begin to deal with what has happened. Therefore, denial appears to be the area you are trying to address and the horror within denial. It is like a beast pounding on the door. How do we keep it out maybe could be a question to address and the block denial creates.

I support you in writing and this ability for you to choose to live a better life, rather than denial a TBI creates.

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Yes: I’d read it. It makes sense. It is relatable.

Do it. Do it how. At the same time every single day without deviation write.

Just write. No interruptions or breaks or anything. Do it for however long you
wish just do it every day.

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It ain’t easy for TBI survivors. In my mind there are three components that make the whole thing so surprising:

  1. The brain. It is damaged. That is a fact. However, it is an organ. It is a physical structure. It does not think you.
  2. The mind is a construct residing in the brain. The mind is what gets mad or happy about our situation. The mind does beautiful things like helps us restore our balance and trigger neuroplasticity. The mind is also a horrible liar that knows everything about us and just how to push our buttons at the best and worst times. God bless the mind though it is our greatest and closest friend. Know how you are not your mind? Well you can observe your mind and crazy things it says like “Destroy this plate!”. So who is observing?
  3. Well the 3 part is you. Or call it your conscience or your soul. I don’t know. That is the part that says “Yea, but hey, maybe another option is to not destroy the plate”.

The challenge comes for TBI survivors is that when their body is directing all of their energy to the brain to get it healed. Well my mind ran rampant and our of control and my conscience had a hard time competing because the conscience and quiet and gentle in comparison. However as recovery continues the conscience gets stronger and soothes the mind. So that is one way it can happen!

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Occipital,

I want to begin thanking you for your words and your observation skills within your words. You appear to have learned to accept the condition you are working with, relaxed, and allowing the energies of life flow through you. You appear to have a key that has unlocked the minds activity of judging and dividing the self into judging and judged parts. There is a sense of serenity in your words and I am very pleased.

For me, my mind has lived in utter chaos and lots of boiling anger. I started into serenity in 2013 and gradually this serenity has lead from a state of consciousness to a stage of consciousness. My difficulty is this stage is empty, feeling like holes in my soul, and I feel little or any purpose. From your writing I feel like I am just starting to adjust to this empty stage and just starting to arrive at a new stage of consciousness. It just seems Occipital this emptiness is creating a vengeance, which makes me aware of something missing, something has been lost. It seems I can grasp my truth and yet I have no direct experience of this truth. The truth is like I am not separate from anyone, no alienation, fear, or this need to fill the hole and yet there is something stopping my acceptance and profound inner peace with the way things are. Maybe my mind is still in the struggle to overcome and still creating this emotional reaction.

Stillness in the catastrophe of me is like a joke. Sometimes, because my stage of consciousness is empty, I feel like a subjective hopeless idiot and other times a squirming idiot, which I have not learned to shake my head in amusement. Maybe an idiot can be an endless stream of positive and negative if I could just learn this courage to accept myself on this empty stage.

Your thoughts are appreciated. Where does serenity shake hands with this emptiness which helps to create peace?

1 Like
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Indeed, Syd, indeed.

Seenie